Transvestia

styles are basically ugly the most beautiful to me is full length hair, waist length or longer, which can be worn in many styles of braids or chignons. I suppose this results from my fascination for Rosemary's long hair. However this only applies with thick healthy hair. Long hair if it is thin or frizzy looks ugly to me. Since very few girls these days (at least in England) keep their hair full length, my next preference is a full shoulder length style, curled under at the ends. Perhaps I can not fully explain my feelings for long hair as related to my TV inclinations, but to me it gives more satisfaction than only feminine clothing. Probably it goes back to my "girlhood" with Aunt Joyce, for even though I wore dre- sses from the start I merely thought of myself as a boy in girl's clothes, and that only the clothes made me di- fferent from other boys. However, when my hair had grown long enough to cover my ears and was put in curls for the first time, it seemed to somehow confirm me as a girl and make my "girlhood" permanent. Even if I were to put on trousers the curls were my unmistakeable badge of femininity still implacably identifying me to the world as a "girl".

Now I could not seem to resist the chance to let my hair grow to a girlsh length, since I could accomplish this without being accused of effeminacy. As I have mentioned, it was not not at all uncommon to see peo- ple at the arts school who had hair as long as many girls. In fact there were some who affected hair to their shou- lders. I don't know if any of these had TV leanings, mostly it was just a symptom of rebellion against par ents and authority. The more the newspapers deplored this beatnik attitude, the more the students adopted it along with left wing politics, pacifism, ban-the-bomb movements and anything else which would shock their elders and draw attention to themselves. Anyway the common uniform soon became dirty jeans, sloppy sweat- ers and long shaggy usually unkept hair.

Therefore I too began to adopt the "uniform" with scruffy clothes and uncut hair. This, of course, led to even more disapproval from my parents, and the atmos- phere around home became more and more strained.

Then came a relation which was to affect my life